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Organized, Simple
and Stress-Free Living |
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Finding Harmony &
Balance in Your Life |
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with Balanced,
Frugal, Debt Free & Healthy Living |
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by Marianne Woods
Cirone, M.S., R.Y.T. |
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All
of us face the challenges of finding balance in our lives: giving
appropriate allocations of energy to family, work, our own physical,
emotional and spiritual needs. The following offers some suggestions
that may be helpful in finding that balance, starting with the most basic
element: simplifying your life. By simplifying your life, you can
find time |
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yoga which will continue to simplify your life.
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Simplifying:
The Spiral Path
As with most paths,
the road to simplification is spiral. However, its effects are also
cumulative. I began to simplify in certain ways twelve years ago
when I quit my job as a healthcare manager in a city almost two hours away
to stay home and raise my newborn daughter. However, as it seems is
our nature, we feel compelled to fill any new space with things and
activities, and children complicate your existence in infinite ways.
Now with two very active daughters (eleven and twelve years now), several
of our own businesses, becoming a yoga teacher and other countless
factors, I am still trying to simplify. I have conquered certain
hurdles, and then new ones appear. At times I get discouraged, and
then at other times I am supremely challenged and motivated, creatively,
mentally, physically and spiritually, to tackle this issue anew. I
need to remember that path is both cumulative and spiral.
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During my journey,
I have been inspired by some great minds, including Elaine St.
James, Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin and Amy Dacyzyn. Elaine St. James has
written a series of excellent little books in her Simplify Your Life series. Vicki Robin and the late Joe Dominiguez wrote an
inspirational book called Your Money or Your Life
that helped me to
believe in taking a chance and becoming a one income family when my
daughter was born. |
Believe me, I still
have a long way to go. Sometime years ago I believed in the
perverse philosophy of only being seen once in an outfit by friends.
Anyway, I see the multitude
of benefits of not buying a new outfit, but making do.
I am in the process of changing over to classic pieces that can be mixed
and matched to go anywhere: jeans, a turtleneck, a blazer. I
find that by focusing less on how I appear to others, I have more time and
energy to devote to “real issues”. I also find I barely notice
how others dress anymore and tend to be more drawn to people who aren’t
preoccupied with externals. While I still try to look “nice”, I
find that dropping the “dress to impress” philosophy has not effected
my life negatively at all.
In a practical sense,
every time I avoid buying more items, I have saved the time of going to
the mall (who am I kidding, maybe several malls). I don’t know
about you, but any trip to the mall includes many distractions and
enticements. If I don’t bring the kids, I have to either go during
their school hours (my precious writing time) or when the kids were
younger, to arrange for child care
(another complication, monetary and/or emotional cost). If I bring
the kids the obstacles are formidable. In the past there were cries
for McDonald’s, ice cream cones, a trip to the pet store, the toy store;
today it is the music or clothes stores. If I choose to buy an item
with the relative ease of catalog shopping, I can still spend hours pouring
through catalogs and trying to guess the right size and style.
Returns after "buyer's remorse" entail a new round of hassles.
| These are the
direct effects on this purchase on me. If I keep the item, the
financial impact is clear—hours of life exchanged for an item, as
clearly outlined by Dominguez and Robin in Your Money or Your Life.
I’ve spent the |
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time shopping and possibly
returning. I’ve been tempted by other items. Then
there are the indirect effects. For example, if I write a
check, when it comes time to reconcile my bank statement, that is
one more transaction to track. I’ve got to make sure I’ve got
the money in my account, and perhaps transfer it in. If I pay
by cash, I’ve got to go back to the cash station or bank again
that much sooner. If I drive to the mall, that’s that much
sooner I’ve got to fill up my car with gas. I’ve had to
file or store the receipt in a safe place in case I decide to return
the item, and then find it again if I decide to make the |
| return.
If I pay by credit card, I’ve got to keep the credit card return
slip and check it again against my credit card statement. Then I’ve
got to store it, switch it from closet location during the change of
seasons. The effects of electronics purchases may even be
greater because it seems like they’re always breaking down. |
All these considerations
may seem small, but they are cumulative. So, the purchase of an item has
cost time, money and has started to create a web of complications in many
ways. In addition, in economic terms, there is the opportunity
cost. I have spent X hours of time, ultimately, in acquiring this
possession. Perhaps I could have spent that time at home cleaning
out my basement and organizing my art supplies. By finding
miscellaneous supplies that had been deposited throughout the house,
perhaps I could have eliminated a trip to the store for new supplies and
all of the corresponding complications by finding and rendering usable all
the supplies I already have. In addition, I would be able to enjoy a tidy
basement and work on art projects without the aggravation of looking for
supplies for months ahead.
I know that some shopping
is inevitable in my life. I personally could not give a “mathom”
(an item you own which has limited value to you, which you give away as a
gift, per Elaine St. James). However, if my rule of thumb for
myself is “I Don’t Shop” I am not going to aggravate myself
further by shopping for gifts for others unless I really enjoy it. I don’t even have the
advantage of knowing what they like or want in many cases. At this
point in my life, this calls for the gift certificate. Slightly more
impersonal than a gift, but much more personal than money. I would
rather spend my shopping time having lunch or dinner with the gift
recipient and really making a personal connection. And for gifts for
my own family, I have started a gift
registry. Every time a family member needs an item, I put it into a
notebook which serves as our gift registry. If someone asks what we
would like (and is offering to shop for it—the real gift) I am able to
give them a clear description, avoiding even more wasted time and money
with unwanted gifts. As a bonus, Amazon has developed the "Wish
List', an online registry where we can list the gifts we would like and
purchase those that others desire with the press of a button.
Simplifying, is always a
proactive process, but more than ever at the beginning. Before life gets
easier and simpler, its going to get a little harder and yuckier.
That’s the concept of delayed gratification. However, unlike the
so-called instant gratification of purchasing, the rewards of spending the
day cleaning out the closet will provide rewards far into the future.
Eventually, the effects of all these changes will start to show up.
Your financial picture will look more encouraging, and you’ll feel more
in control. Miscellaneous errands and tasks will shrink in quantity
and complexity. And in the meantime, the money you’re saving is in the
bank (preferably in higher yielding simple investments) working hard to
create the freedom for you to do what you want, and give you more of the
only finite resource in the long run, time to do what you want to do.
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Simplifying
the Holidays |
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by
Marianne Woods Cirone, M.S., R.Y.T. |
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(a
version of this article originally appeared in Fox
Valley Kids)
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I dream of
Christmas one hundred years ago: taking the sleigh over the Fox river to
Grandma’s house, freshly cut trees decorated with cranberries and
popcorn, eating turkey and stuffing with a dozen brothers and
sisters, carolers singing, and gift-giving limited to treats like an
orange or a bag of nuts. No crowded malls, no annoying TV ads, no
traffic, no office parties, no tension about which relatives to see which
day, no staying up past my bedtime to traipse the decimated aisles of Toys
R Us.My view of the holidays from a hundred years ago might be
romanticized –maybe even Grandma found it to be a pain in the bustle –
but I do think that the holiday peace we are seeking lies in our
traditions of the past. Whether we are celebrating Christmas,
Kwanzaa, Hanukah, or just the “season of caring”, there are a few
guidelines which will help you and your family to create a more meaningful
and less burdensome holiday season.
First, write
down your favorite parts of the holidays. Next, develop a plan to
decrease minimize the parts which you don’t like (suggestions
provided below). This will reduce your stress level and free up
energy to focus on the traditions of the season which are meaningful and
nourishing for you. The goal is to make concious, even if difficult,
choices about how you spend your time and money this year. If
you have traditionally done the job of “creating” the holiday for your
family, you’ve earned a position as dictator, so please take your own
opinions heavily into consideration. Mothers (or whoever else you
are) deserve to enjoy the holidays too.
Take a
three-ring binder, put in some loose photo albums pages and hole-punched
pocket-folders. Make a list of the activities you hope to undertake
for the holiday season and focus on those. Keep a record of the
special activities and traditions which your family enjoys.
Throughout the season, put any special mementos in the pocket folder and a
few photos in the album pages. It’s a great way to instill
traditions and see the changes from year to year.
Consider
your personal preferences carefully, and then choose to get off autopilot.
Even some of the favorite activities need to be rotated from year to year.
For example, many people enjoy the annual card writing and see it as
an opportunity to send out cute pictures of the children or family
newsletters. However, if you detest the annual card writing—boldly
slash it from your To Do list. You can always go back to it again next
year, and taking a year off can rekindle your enthusiasm for the
correspondence. If you enjoy turning your home into a holiday wonderland,
but are especially burned out this year, give yourself permission to
delegate the decorating, or to just put out a couple of special pieces
this year. Take the time instead to make the butter cookies you
love, to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” or to just do nothing.
The list as
follows contains my own suggestions for conducting the process of
simplifying the holidays and making more time for the parts of the season
that you love.
Eliminate
clutter
Before
you even begin the holiday season, do a quick clutter elimination.
This is especially nice right before you bring in holiday items and
receive a small army of new clothes, toys, and gadgets. Quickly go
through the closets and shelves, eliminate all useless items, create a
storehouse of items to move on to charity, and pack a large portion of
toys and games for later retrieval. Ruthlessly clear school papers
from the refrigerator and hide away non-seasonal knickknacks.
Recycle old papers and magazines, and call the Amvets or other charity to
schedule a pick-up date for donations. Unclutter your schedule by
minimizing or rescheduling appointments, deadlines, projects (but keep the
hair appointment!). Starting with a clean slate will be so much more
relaxing.
Refuse
to shop
The
optimal solution to the mall madness is that everyone takes the money they
would have spent on gifts and gives the money to charity. It’s
kind to yourself, the earth, the disadvantaged and you save time, gas, and
wrapping paper, eliminate meaningless spending and lower the vast
consumption of petroleum-based plastic children’s toys that will never,
ever biodegrade. However, the reality in my home is that even with the
grandest intentions to be charitable and non-materialistic, my family
would call me Scrooge and we would end up at Walgreen’s on Christmas Eve
buying a bottle of Jovan Musk for Men for Grandpa.
Thus,
the second line of defense against lifetimes spent carrying your coat,
purse, two whining kids and eighteen bags through a hot, crowded mall is
to only purchase the gift certificate. Gift certificates are popular with
family members, as well as with teachers and secretaries who have
received enough scented soaps to stay clean to the year 2050. Buy a
variety of gift certificates from universally loved stores (video stores,
electronics stores, department stores, toy stores, book stores) in ten and
twenty dollar denominations to mix and match. In fact, your church or
community group may sell these certificates as a fund-raising
activity—buying them there adds to your ease of shopping and puts
something extra in the pocket of your favorite organization. Less
common certificate ideas may include one for the eyeglasses your father
needs (as opposed to the aforementioned aftershave), an appointment with a
personal trainer, or music lessons.
If
you feel that gift certificates are too impersonal, you can add your own
special touch to make the gift special. For example, an appreciated
gift for the working mother (a redundant term) might be a
certificate for a massage tied in a ribbon with a small bottle of bath
salts and a candle in a matching scent. Another option is to “buy
an event” and shop by phone. Concert tickets, a night at a bed and
breakfast, museum passes, or tickets to a local play and an offer to
baby-sit would probably be much appreciated by your culturally-deprived
sister and brother-in-law. Go in on this gift with your other siblings and
delegate one of them to order it. Among family members, consider
buying only for the kids and donating a special gift to charity.
Finally,
you still probably have to shop if you have young kids to buy for—but there is
always the J.C. Penney Christmas catalog, Lilly’s Kids or the public
broadcasting catalogs. The key is to start early—Doctor Barbie
goes quickly. And after the initial frenzy of gift-opening, hide a
reasonable portion of the gifts to be doled out over the next few cold,
uneventful winter months.
Refuse
to wrap
I
can appreciate the joy in wrapping one or two presents in beautiful Martha
Stewart style. However, the year I wrapped 100 presents, (my
present-wrapping record in a year “B.S.”, that is, Before
Simplification) I was lucky I slapped on the wrapping paper and gift
tag. Now I recommend the use of gift bags for everything from
homemade cookies to games to Lego sets. Gift bags look festive and they
are endlessly reusable, which is good for the environment and the budget.
I have found many sizes of bags including the large toy-size bags at
discount department stores or dollar stores.
Another
option is to choose a department store that includes complimentary
wrapping of purchases from their store and get it all done at once.
However, if you still have eighteen rolls of wrapping paper from last
year’s post-holiday sales, have the kids do some of the wrapping.
They love to do it, and grandparents find their wrapping style endearing.
Hopefully, if you stick to simple small items and gift certificates,
you will not be ending up with huge boxes of gifts and packing peanuts
requiring twenty-seven dollars of postage for your nephews in Seattle.
Limit
television
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While
this a worthwhile suggestion all year round, it is especially useful
during the month of December when toy advertising explodes. Pick one or
two holiday shows each week that are special to you, and watch them in
front of the fire as a family event with roasted chestnuts and |
eggnog (if your children’s tastebuds are as unadventurous as my
children’s are, substitute popcorn and hot chocolate).
Instead of watching A Very Brady Christmas for the fourth time, sit in the
dark and gaze at your Christmas tree lights, or Hanukah or Kwanzaa
candles. At dinner, light candles and play your favorite
holiday tapes and CDs – you don’t get much time to hear them anyway.
Play any instruments which you know, or at least sing out (no matter what
you think your voice sounds like) and have the kids bang on a makeshift
drum.
Learn
the story of the holiday and its symbolism
Make
a special point of making traditional holiday food and focusing on the
symbolism. Let your children help you make these foods, and take the time
to explore and explain the meanings behind the traditional foods. For
example, some say the small potato pancakes called latkes, which are
traditionally eaten at Hanukah, are a reminder of the latkes cooked for
Jewish soldiers by Maccabean women. During Kwanzaa, fruits and
vegetables called mazao which represent the harvest and all work, are put
on the special place mat called a mkeka. Even Christmas cookies, in
the shape of star, represent the North Star and its importance in the
story of Jesus’ birth. During this season, concentrate on the
special seasonal foods, and simplify all other cooking.
Limit
visiting
This
one is easier said than done. Not many people can “Just Say No”
to their mothers; however, every relative does not have to be seen
in one day. It is better to have a quiet “Christmas Eve-Eve”
party with a few special people, than to try to drag exhausted,
overwhelmed children to one more house on Christmas Day. Don’t be
afraid to reserve a smidgin (or more) of down-time during the most hectic
part of the holidays to just have your family stay home and savor the
holiday privately. You don’t have to attend every holiday open
house, office party, or church function. Choose selectively, and
remember the rotation system. Reserve the right to go up to Lake
Geneva or Door County for a quiet family weekend after the holidays, or
during them if you desire.
Help
with gift suggestions
If
asked, be prepared with lists of family gift wishes and sizes. This
will help to minimize hours of returning after the holidays.
Non-material gifts such as a certain number of ballet lessons or a trip to
see a ballet for the budding dancer are a nice alternative to more toys.
Any special activity planned together between the giver and the receiver
is more memorable than a pair of gloves or a Chia-Pet.
Enjoy
nature
This
can be a tall order for Illinois residents used to the most challenging of
weather conditions. Occasionally though, we do have wonderful winter
days and beautiful white snows. A crisp morning walk through the
forest preserve, skating on the frozen pond, or building a snowman
together can create lasting family memories and reduce stress. A ski
trip to Villa Olivia or an iceskating outing to Lake Sharon is an
alternative gift as well.
Rest,
relax and remember the reason for the season
Give
yourself four wonderful presents this holiday season: take time for
at least one nap, one long soak in a hot bath, one morning of sleeping in,
and one cup of slowly sipped herbal tea or decaf cappuccino. These may be
your favorite gifts this year. Keep in mind what you are
celebrating, and give thanks for all the gifts which have already been
given to you. Take a deep breath and enjoy.
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